Approaching Someone New: You Only Have One Chance

What If You Don’t See Her again?

Approaching, dating, dating advice, dating coach, first date, relationship, serious relationships, relationship advice


“Just do it”. I once heard they were the three most important words in the English language. Sure this is an article about dating, but it’s really about something that can help you take advantage of any opportunity you may find in life.

A few examples can be approaching someone for the first time, going out of your way at a networking event, taking the lead in an unfamiliar situation. It’s hard to step out our comfort zone because it’s so uncomfortable. But if you don’t step out you choose to stand in front of a brick wall without ropes to climb it.

Approaching someone for the first time in the dating world can be daunting. If you get nervous and overtaken by anxiety, that’s okay. By no means are you alone. But you have to go for it! You have to live like you only get one chance.

So here are some ways to help ease the tension of an approach or doing something socially that would otherwise be very difficult. Make sure you take the risk and use these suggestions. If you never take the risk, it’s a guarantee that you won’t get what you want. 

1. Use Humor

Laughing eases tension, relieves stress and everybody loves it! Try not to take life too seriously. And don’t take approaching someone or expressing your feelings to someone too seriously. You are one of millions who is engaging in this process. It’s not a life or death matter. Start with a joke. Then focus on keeping the laughter going. Once you gain momentum, you’ll find that the rest of the work does itself for you.

2. Never Assume There Will Be A Second Chance

It’s very easy to put it off. To say to yourself, “I’ll take some time and think of a strategy and come back with it another time”. Although this may be possible in some scenarios, what if she’s not there when you come back? What if that second chance you assumed you’d had disappeared?

You must learn to act on the spot! This is a very difficult habit to develop, but the more you keep at it, the easier it gets. It is something that actually can become second hand. When we practice this, we train our brains to feel more comfortable with it.

3. Let Go Of The Fear Of Being Judged

This is one of life’s biggest fears and probably the one that holds us back the most. When we concern ourselves with how other people judge us, we make behavioral decisions based on someone’s judgement. When you find you are more influence by others than by your self, it’s time to stop and think about things. 

If you do not let go of caring what other people think, your life will conform to others’ standards. You will loose “yourself”. When we act on others’ judgements, our lives become much more difficult and it will be much more difficult to achieve your dating and life goals.

4. Engage In The Process

Don’t think about the outcome. In fact, don’t think as far as 5 minutes into the future. You need to be present. When you are present, all of your attention is in the moment. When you are in the moment, thoughts of the future or outcome cannot have any effect on you. When you settle into the calm space of the present you’ll find your encounter to be much more enjoyable and authentic.

And in the end, your memories are made from what you did choose to do. The actions you took will be with you for a lifetime. Just think of how much better it will be one day to think back and remember the folly of a rejection than it will to remember yourself not taking the chance at all.

Long Distance Relationships: 6 Ways To Deepen Your Connection

6 Ways To Feel More Connected In Long Distance Relationships


long distance relationships, long distance relationship, dating advice, dating advice for women, relationships, serious relationships, relationship advice, cj westyn

So you’re in a long distance relationship and things are starting to get stale. You feel that you’re losing connection with your partner and you fear this could damage the relationship you’ve worked so hard to build. What’s more, you’ve never had any past long distance relationships so all of this may be new to you.


Long distance relationships certainly aren’t easy. They take more work and effort than in person relationships. There is a need to maintain consistent communication, to maintain connectedness from miles and miles away.

There are some things you can both do to help keep that connection strong and to be more engaged with each other. The more engaged people are in their long distance relationships, the more successful they are. Here are six things that will put deeper meaning and connection into long distance relationships:

1. Share a Mutual Calendar

This is my favorite. Create a mutual Google calendar and add your daily activities. These can be appointments, meetings time in class, etc…This helps you see your partner’s life. It gives you an idea from a distance of what your partner’s days looks like. It also serves as a great way to know when good times are to engage in contact.

2. Watch TV Mutually 

This one is really fun. Pick a TV show or a movie and watch it with each other over the phone or video chat. You will actually feel connected while you do this. Although you’re not physically together, this does give you a higher dynamic of connection than nothing but phone calls. I’ve been in a couple long distance relationships and this has been one of the best tools we’ve used to stay connected. You actually will feel like you and your partner are sharing the experience on a deep level.

3.  Video Chat Mutual Masturbation

You read that right. It’s bold and these days it probably isn’t secure, but if you’re willing to not care about that you will have a great time. Trust me.

4. Homemade Greeting Cards Or Love Notes

What’s a relationship without something made out of love? The same rule applies to long distance relationships. It’s getting something of physical substance that does it. Think of the excitement of opening a homemade card or a handwritten love note. Taking the extra time to do these small things will go a long way!

5. Surprise Visits

We all know that you can’t sustain long distance relationships without visits. But there’s something so special about a surprise visit. Take a look at your shared calendar and pick a day to travel to see your partner. The excitement of the surprise holds strong power over maintaining a feeling of connectedness.

6. Intensive Texting

Sounds simple enough but long distance relationships require much more communication time than local relationships. This means that it is imperative to stay on top of things. It is something you need to put very high on your priority list. We all love those little reminders that express someone’s love for us. Sometimes going back and forth with a play-by-play of your days makes you feel like you are both “in it” together.

So hop on some of these things TODAY! Your long distance relationship doesn’t have to be going bad to start working toward a stronger feeling of connectedness. Do these things to feel connected all the time. That loving connection that you nurture will stay strong even over the greatest distances.

5 Reasons Why Men Pull The Dating Vanishing Act

The Man You Were Dating Disappeared


dating, dating advice, relationship coaching, relationship advice, relationship coach, CJ Westyn


You think you’re on to something. You met a great guy. The two of you went out for a few dates and from your end things seemed fabulous, but all of a sudden, he goes dark on you. You haven’t heard from him and he hasn’t answered your texts.

You’ve been Ghost’d

Yes. He vanished like a ghost in face of what you thought was a blossoming relationship. What’s more, you’re dating life hasn’t been the best recently.

Guys pull disappearing acts for many reasons. Most of the time, it’s not you! Here are a few things that usually contribute to getting ghost’d while you’re dating someone.

1. Fear Of Commitment.

He may really be into you. Dating you may have been one of the better decisions he’s made. But he doesn’t want to keep dating because he knows it’s going so well that he sees commitment on the horizon. He may not be ready to commit or he may have a fear of commitment. He may fear the loss of his old lifestyle He can also have a fear of the unknown as he may not be use to commitment. Or even a fear of a successful relationship because all he may be used to is chaos. Whatever the case may be, don’t take things personally. That is the most important thing to remember.

2. Poor Communicators

Sometimes he may find he doesn’t want to keep dating at all. Or this just isn’t the right time for him. The problem is that he doesn’t know how to tell you. He simply doesn’t possess the communication skills needed to end on good terms. He may be afraid of the outcome if he were to talk about it directly. I constantly work with my clients on communication skills in dating. They are essential to a sustained, fulfilling relationship.

3. Ex Running In The Background

That’s right. He could still be hung up on her. Listen to him in conversation. If he brings her up quite a bit, take heed. He still may be hanging on and she may want him back. Some guys get tangled up with their exes to the point where it is very difficult to get out of the relationship. He may have gone back to dating his ex and it was just the easier option for him to vanish.

4. Hasn’t Gotten Over A Previous Relationship

Sometimes it’s just too early for anyone to start dating again. For some people, they may not realize this until they are in middle of dating someone new. He could still be licking his wounds from his previous relationship. This may cause him to retreat. Things about your relationship with him could be bringing up painful memories of his previous love life. He could get dragged down by this and just choose to isolate and cut things off without telling you.

5. He’s Just A Player

Quite simply, he may have found someone he likes more. He could be concurrently dating many women while dating you at the same time. Maybe he didn’t communicate this to you. Maybe it’s something he doesn’t want to let go of because he’s just not sure if he can be with one person. He could have easily got wrapped up with someone else and just lumped you into a pile with everyone else that he disappeared on.

What can you do? Well, if you haven’t reached him by now, chances are you’re not going to be able to talk it out with him. It’s time to move on. Accept his absence for whatever reason and find someone new. Life is way too short.

Valentine’s Day: I’m Happy And I’m Single

How To Be Single And Happy On Valentine’s Day

dating coach, valentine's day, single, relationship coaching, dating advice, serious relationships








It’s quite reasonable to assume that the job of a dating coach is to help you find love, to help you be in a relationship. Usually that’s what people want from a dating coach, especially during this time of year. Valentine’s Day is right around the corner! And who wants to be single on Valentine’s Day?

Most of the work I do surrounds helping people form or heal their relationship issues. However, there are people out there who’s work centers around being happy while being single.

Yes! It’s true. Single and happy on Valentine’s Day no less.

The truth is that some people simply find the single lifestyle is the one that fits them best. As a dating coach, clients and I work together to find out what they really want deep down. I’ve worked with people who were dead set on being in a relationship for their whole lives only to realize that being single is what they really wanted.

So how can one be happy and single at the same time? And especially on Valentine’s Day?!?! Well here are some facts and realizations that people who are single usually come to.

Being Single Is Different Than Being Alone. 

Being alone means having no one in your life. It means no deep connections, either romantic or platonic. It means isolation. Sometimes the isolation is intentional and sometimes the person is unaware they are isolating themselves. One very helpful reason to work with a dating coach is to find the distinction here as it relates to your own reality.

Developing strong bonds with others keeps us from being alone. Becoming active participants in the world gives us the level of connection we need. Being single simply means not being in a committed relationship. So you can choose to be alone on Valentine’s Day or you can choose to be single. Remember the key concept here: CHOICE.

Self Discovery. 

Part of finding happiness in being single comes from the process of getting to know yourself well. People may find that their career interests and life aspirations conflict with being in a committed relationship. They realize that being in a relationship would ultimately be quite selfish of them. They would not be able to meet the other person’s needs or the demands of the relationship all together and proceed with their aspirations at the same time. If this sounds like you, keep it in mind when you are moping over not having a Valentine’s Day date.

My clients who are single and happy all seem to share some of the same things in common:

1. Acceptance

Happy single people share a sense of acceptance. They accept themselves, both the good and the not so good. They look at situations and can differentiate between the changeable and the unchangeable. They strive to meet the changeable and accept the unchangeable. They accept life and all of its conditions.

2. Gratitude

Single people are grateful for the people in their lives and the positions they ARE in. They can focus on the things in their lives that make them happy. They don’t pine over things they cannot obtain. They may go out on Valentine’s Day, observe some couples fighting and be thankful that’s not them.

3. Self Knowledge

One of my key points of work as a dating coach is helping people get to know themselves on a very deep level. I can’t stress enough how critical this is, not only in dating but in everyday life as well. When they learn as much as they can about themselves they tend to easily know what they want and need. When we reach a strong level of self knowledge we are best suited to decide whether to be in a relationship or not.

4. Deep Connections With Others 

This is one of the strongest factors in being comfortable with being single. Happy single people have close friends with strong emotional and platonic bonds. They are not alone. Connection with others satisfies their longing for companionship.

5. Happy On Valentine’s Day

Yep. That’s right. They all know they are not alone on Valentine’s Day and they are still happy. The meaningful connections they have built with others takes away the emotional attachment to the season and refocuses it to their loved ones. They have discovered that they are not alone.

So stop crying on your floor and find some gratitude! Meet some new people, connect with old friends. Be a part of the world and develop those important meaningful connections. The sooner you get the notion that “everyone” needs to be in a relationship out of your head the better. It’s not about trying to match “everyone” else. It’s about finding yourself.

Communication: Are You On The Same Page?

Communication Is The Cornerstone of a Successful Relationship

Communication, dating advice, relationship advice, serious relationships, dating coach, relationship coach


Communication may be one of the most important makers or breakers of a healthy, long lasting relationship. So many serious relationships fall victim to poor communication. Tragically, they don’t even realize it as a problem and wind up breaking up for reasons that could have easily been resolved. Different couples have different styles of communication. It is just a matter of finding out what works best between you and your partner.

Communication is one of the most common issues I address as a relationship coach. So many clients come to me proclaiming their serious relationship is in jeopardy because of some catastrophic issue. After getting to know the couple and the dynamics of how they communicate, I often find quickly that there is either a lack of communication or the couple needs to refine how they have been communicating.

There are ineffective and effective ways of communication and there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to communicate. Let’s have a look at some of both to demonstrate:

Ineffective Communication Styles


Not Listening. “What? Listening isn’t communication?” Yes it is and it’s major. If you are only thinking of what you are angry at and what you are going to say next or find that opportunity to talk over your partner you have no chance of successfully connecting to meet a resolution.


Passive Aggressive. This is one of the most common and sinister means of communicating with your partner. Its biggest threat here is leaving the other party wondering what he did. Passive aggressive communication is noticed, but is most often misinterpreted. It is completely ineffective in conveying precisely what is bothering you. Address the problem head on. Don’t hide behind what you think is a strategic way to address an issue.


Yelling, Screaming and Name-calling. You need to maintain emotional control. If your emotions get the best of you, you will get nowhere fast. When we yell and scream, we only trigger the same reaction in our partners. And name-calling is just disrespectful. There is no place for it in any relationship ever. Beware of name-callers!


Once you’ve identified your poor communication points, you now have the awareness to change them. Once they change, you will see how your new method of communicating positivley will impact your relationship. Changing it is not easy, but it’s about finding what works best for you. You should be practicing healthy communication skills in ALL of your relationships.

Here are some points to keep in mind not only in the way you communicate with your partner, but in your day to day life.

5 Effective and Healthy Communication Styles


Identify The Issue. When you are ready to talk, make sure you are both on the same page about the problem you want to address. It is common for many couples to have polar opposite ideas of what is bothering the other person in the relationship. Align yourselves.


Listen Carefully. Listening to your partner without focusing on yourself or ANYTHING else is critical. You cannot get an understanding of someone’s feelings if you don’t give them a fair chance to express themselves in the best way they can. Don’t interrupt. Don’t talk over. Just sit and listen, then you respond.


Put Yourself In Her Shoes. Try to understand where your partner is coming from. What is her reasoning? What feelings have been hurt and why? Empathize with your partner and let her know that you understand. This will help the conversations that follow immensely.


Talk It Out. Once both of you have expressed your concerns and have come to an understanding of what is bothering the other, use communication to come up with a solution TOGETHER. When you both understand an issue in the relationship and work as a team, not only will it resolve the issue, it will be of substantial help in any future issues.


Take Your Time. Don’t move faster than the situation will allow. You will get a feel for the pace of your solution finding once you begin to open clear lines of communication. It may be something that you can do immediately or it may be a solution that will only work with hard work, time and dedication.


So don’t ignore the communication cornerstone. With some practice and patience, you will see how drastically things will change.


It Is Possible To Have A Meaningful Friendship With Your Ex

Ending On Good Terms With Your Ex


ex, exes, breakup, breakups, dating advice, relationship coaching, communication, CJ Westyn









I’m an advocate for peaceful breakups. In my last article I talked about how to be friends with your ex after a breakup. I would like to provide a preface to that article here and talk about the importance of ending things with your ex on good terms.

I know what’s going through your head: “Why on earth would I want to breakup with my ex on good terms? I mean, we’re breaking up. We’re not going to be together. Isn’t that the point?” Well, yes and no. A romantic separation is the end you and your ex wish to achieve. This may not be possible for some people  as many relationships end in chaos and turmoil. However, if you’ve had a healthy relationship and you are both on the same page about the breakup, there is no reason to throw away the friendship you have built together.

“He’s my best friend.” That’s what you said when you were together. And it was true. You two were inseparable. There was more than romance, there was true human connection. Whether you were aware of it or not, you forged a song platonic bond with your ex that could be more fulfilling and longer lasting than romance.

That bond is about the world you’ve built together. The mutual friends, the relationships you’ve forged with family members, doing those interesting things that you two mutually loved so much. Ending with your ex on good terms is not only healthy, but in your best interest.

And I know you’ve got the question in your head: “But a breakup is a breakup. How can I possibly end it on good terms?”

Here are five points to go by during and after a breakup with your ex. They will surely put you on the path to reconnecting at some point in the future:

1. Communication

Communication is the most important part of any decision a couple could make. Clear and mature communication during a breakup is critical. Both of you need to be on the same page. Neither can be left wondering about the future. Have a solid talk and be real about your current feelings and your desire not to lose the friendship.

2. Discipline.

I strongly advise a period of no contact after your breakup. Yes, this is part of ending on good terms. You will need this time to regroup; to focus on yourself. As time goes by you’ll become less emotionally attached to him and the idea of being with him. This will put you in a position to be emotionally prepared to rekindle the friendship.

3. Self-Knowledge.

Knowing yourself is paramount. You must be able to look inside and read your own feelings in an objective way. This is critical in re-establishing contact with your ex as it will help determine your timeline for becoming friends again. When you are in the process of talking again, you should be able to spot any left over romantic feelings or feelings of hurt or anger from the relationship.

4. Willingness To Let Go.

Of course there were things that hurt you in the relationship. The breakup happened for a reason. You must be willing to let go of those old feelings. If you still experience negative emotions, it is not a good time to start talking again. If you have a strong level of self-knowledge you will be able to search out and deal with these feelings appropriately.

5. Don’t Take Things So Seriously.

Sure you were in a relationship with your ex, but that’s over now and hopefully you’ve moved on. Focus on the positive aspects of re-connecting with your ex. Try to laugh and use humor to guide your interactions. Joke about the past. Tell new funny stories. Go out and do something fun!

This may seem like a fantasy scenario considering the nature of most breakups. It is, however, possible if both partners’ possess a strong level of emotional maturity and self-knowledge. You CAN be friends again! Keep your mind on the friendship and the positive things that you liked about your ex. With a little time and effort you two should be back in friendship mode and ready to have a blast.

Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

It’s Possible To Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work

long distance relationship, long distance relationships, dating advice, dating coach, relationship advice, relationship coach, cj westynThe common wisdom I hear from most clients is that a long distance relationship will never work. There are many obstacles to couples who live in different locations, but there are plenty of success stories in long distance relationships too. Whether two people met on vacation and started out long distance, or got into a long distance relationship due to work or school, many people are finding out how to make it work by working with a relationship coach.

If you’re in a long distance relationship, and you want to keep that relationship strong, you should know there’s no sure-fire advice that will work for everyone, but there are a few things you can keep in mind.

Communication Is Key


Communication on a regular basis isn’t just a good idea in a long distance relationship. It’s crucial. Be sure you’re not just keeping up on your partner’s major life events but are listening to what their daily life is really like – listen to their emotional state, not just their words. The little details are what really matters when you want to feel close to your partner.

Not only should you clearly define your current relationship status, including what you want and expect for yourself and as a couple, but you should have detailed discussions about your future together. Long distance relationships tend to fail when partners can’t see living in the same space in the future. So if you envision and plan for that future together, you’ll both be working toward the same goal. Who is willing to relocate for whom? In a long distance relationship you have to talk about the future in order to have one.

Daily phone calls, Skype sessions or sharing a mutual calendar are great for staying connected to you partner, but long distance communication might not be enough to sustain a relationship. Try to visit each other as often as your budgets will allow. When you do get together, be sure to schedule things you’ll both enjoy, but make sure you leave some free time for just being together.

So there is hope for long distance relationships. It just takes a little extra work and some creative thinking. Once you fall into a rhythm that works for both of you, things will begin to become smooth. So don’t avoid long distance relationships entirely. Keep your options wide open.

5 Role Playing Fantasies That Will Blast You Off Like A Rocket

Spice Up Your Sex Life With Role Playing

dating advice, sex, roleplaying, relationship coaching, cj westynWhen your sex life feels like it’s vanishing, you’re going to need to pull some tricks out of the bag. Otherwise, well, we all know what happens otherwise. So the question is what’s going to do it for you two? You should both ask, “what does it for me?” then merge your answers. A lot of people love fantasy. And there are tons of sizzling hot fantasies you can role play.

Sit down and have a discussion. Put your hottest fantasies on a list and compare. The mutual process of doing this may get you hot in and of itself.

In picking out some fantasies to share with you, I searched my own mind and asked some friends what fantasies they would most like to bring to life. Here we go:

1. Teacher And Student. Have you ever been hot for teacher? Reminisce back to your days in school. Talk about teachers you both found hot. Tell each other how bad you wanted them to just take you. Then make the conversation reality.  You can do this at home or take the risk of going to a University during off hours. I prefer the later. Sit him down at the desk. Tell him his grades are poor and there’s “not much” he can do about it. “You can kiss that scholarship to Yale goodbye, kiddo. Unless you’d do one thing.” Then you slowly approach him, you sit on the desk and whisper things in his ear. Give him no choice. “If you want to pass, you’re going to do everything I tell you.”

2. Lifeguard & The Distressed Swimmer. This is one of my favorites because I’m a swimmer. It is possible, however, it would be difficult to execute in a public pool. If you don’t want to take it that far, you can use your bathtub. “OMG. He’s drowning.” You have pull him out of the tub. You have to give him mouth to mouth. He’s not responding. You’re looking for something out of the box to wake him up. You slowly slide your hand down inside of his bathing suit and start to feel him coming back to life.

3. The Cop and the Criminal. This one is great. I’d advise using costume. Dress up like a police officer. He’s alone in the house. You’re there to execute a warrant for soliciting a prostitute. He won’t let you in, so you have to use force; use force on the door and on him. You immediately consider him a threat. You have no choice but to submit him. You cuff him and render him helpless (yes, it’s worth getting real cuffs for this). Now he’s all yours; you have complete control. You give him some options: “I take you to jail or we start with oral”. This is the best part because now you can be creative. Whatever gets you off is fair ground. Blow him while he’s cuffed. Cuff him to the bed. Fuck him so hard he feels punished.

4. Yoga Instructor and Student. You should both actually go to yoga class before you execute this one. It will get you hotter. So you assume the role of the teacher. He is the eager student. You bend him. You mold him into your favorite positions. You go the extra mile to “teach” him THE position you want most. “Hold that position, dear. We’re going to forget about yoga for now.”

5. Nurse/Patient. Oh no. He’s confined to his bed. What a pity. Luckily your the nurse assigned to take care of him. It’s your job to feed him, see to it that he gets his medication and make sure he’s comfortable. Get a nurse outfit and a prescription of Cialis. Do your job and see to it that he takes his meds. Then it’s your job to make sure he’s comfortable with the effects of the medication.


5 Steps To Be Best Friends With Your Ex

Being Best Friends With Your Ex After a Breakup Is Possible

ex, exes, dating advice, dating coach, relationship coaching, cj westyn

So you find yourself missing your ex. That’s right. MISSING HER. But the thing is, you’re not missing her in an “I want to get back together” kind of way. It’s more of a platonic way. You are missing the friendship, the fun things you did, the laughs, the conversation.

If you’re wondering if it’s possible to re-connect with your ex and have a platonic relationship, the answer is most certainly yes! The questions are, are you both ready? How do you find that out?

It starts with a thorough examination of yourself. Take a deep look inside. Examine your feelings, your motives. Be honest with yourself in what you want. If you find that in good faith, you want to have a platonic relationship with your ex there are a few things that need to happen first and there are some steps to follow that will bring you two together on a platonic level.

1. Take Some Time Off After The Breakup. I think this is something we all do (or hope to achieve) by default when we breakup with someone. The key is no contact and no poking around looking for news about her. It’s total cut off. There are great benefits to being single or you may wind up in another relationship.

2. Contact Her When You Know The Time Is Right. How much time do you take off? The answer is that it is one of those things you will “just know when it’s right”. You will feel comfortable with the idea of reaching out to her.

3. Tell Her What You Want. This is critical. You must communicate your intentions. Be direct. Tell her, “I’m contacting you because I’m wondering if you were interested in being friends. You know, ‘just friends’”. Do this in no uncertain terms.

4. Accept Her Response. You may not get what you want to hear. She may not be ready. She may be in a new relationship and having you as a friend could have an effect on that relationship. On the other hand she could be open to it (and most likely will if you ended on good terms).

5. Meet And Greet. So if you both decided that you want to have a go at it, get together. This where you will really find out if it’s possible to be “just friends”. This is when you have to be extremely self aware. Are you having any romantic feelings whatsoever? Is there any sexual spark? Does the dialogue make you feel like you are in the relationship again? Is it comfortable?

So discussion becomes the most important part after you two have agreed to meet up. If you can clearly feel pure motive in yourself and if she is communicating that it is okay for her, then you may be on to something. Breakups are hard. They crush us. It feels like we are robbed of someone who became a part of ourselves. That doesn’t have to be permanent. They say pick someone who you could see yourself being best friends with. If you’ve followed that advice, that friendship will last forever.

Heartbreak: Getting Over It In 5 Simple Steps

Getting Over Heartbreak Is Easier Than You Think

heartbreak, breakups, dating advice, dating coaching, relationship coach, relationship advice, cj westyn








It’s one of the most painful feelings in the world. He broke up with you. OMG. The feeling is horrible and you just can’t get him out of your mind. You want the feeling to stop and you want it to stop now. But you can’t muster the strength to do anything. You can’t get out of bed. You can’t eat. You don’t even feel like going shopping. You’re paralyzed from heartbreak.

There is good news! You CAN get over it faster than you think. You just need to put in a little effort. Once you make the first step, it gets easier to continue. Here are 5 things you can do to mend your wounded soul:

1. Spend Time With Friends. A lot of time (don’t be alone). Be with your bffs. Tell them to not let you out of their sight. Share your feelings with them. It’s amazing how talking about what we are feeling can do. If you need to talk about him, go ahead and do so. If you need to bash him, bash him. Be sure to make it point to reduce the amount of time you spend with yourself.

2. Revisit Your Hobbies. One bright side of ending a relationship is reclaiming a large amount of your time. You can reallocate this time to something that you love. Change the direction of your passion from him to something that makes you happy when you do it. Once you get on a roll, it will be difficult to stop and your focus will not be on  HIM.

3. Music Selection. You have a choice here. You can listen to the sad songs and sit home and cry. Or, you can choose upbeat music that is designed to make you happy. Play the happy music. Try out something electronic. You’ll be surprised.

4. Look On The Bright Side. Now you’re single and being single comes with tons of benefits. You are hereby relieved of all those annoying responsibilities you carried in your relationship. You are FREE to roam. Roam on.

5. Find Someone New. I guarantee you this is the best way to get over heartbreak. Find someone new and you won’t remember “what’s his name”. Immerse yourself in the intrigue and passion of a new romantic venture.

Hopefully reading this took your mind off him for a few minutes. If you’re motivated to go and do something toward moving on, now’s the time. Don’t wait until you slip back into that depressing feeling of heartbreak.